At the age of 16 I was very good girl. I had four older sisters. It seemed like I was always the one that didn’t get any attention, the reject, the one nobody consulted about anything. I was like a loner, very lonely, even with so many sisters and brothers. I was in a family but never really had any relationships; everybody was doing their own thing and out for themselves. I loved school, enjoyed it, and was good in it; especially good in gym, athletics and home economics. I was a good volleyball player, and even won some trophies. I loved school; I got to eat there, got fed, and got attention from teachers. 

 

Mother’s life was a mess; she had problems, issues, and habits and was not able to take care of us. She always put us on somebody else to take care of us. We went from house to house; and when we came home, didn’t know what we’d eat. Sometimes there was no electricity and we’d have to bundle up in bed together to keep warm. I didn’t complain; I didn’t know anything else, and accepted it. Different fathers, mother messed up, one big mess of a family. As I got older things changed in the family. I had a lot of unresolved issues that I couldn’t talk to anyone about. I worked many different jobs to survive, whatever it took. Even if you had to knock on somebody’s door for money, you did it. 

 

From sixteen to eighteen, my desires changed. I was very independent, because I saw from experience that people wouldn’t do for you. They had their own needs. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a model. I also desired to go to college. But my family couldn’t afford it, and that destroyed my dream. Then I didn’t know what to do because my mind had been set on it.

 

After high school I gave my life to Jesus in a church and the Lord saved me. I knew it was time for me to be saved. I was also baptized in water and came up speaking in tongues, baptized in the Holy Ghost. Two weeks later, I backslid. I walked away from the Lord because I didn’t want to give up everything to follow Him.  Even though I wasn’t drinking or drugging, I didn’t want to give up the old life. I thought, “I can’t do this.” I left the Lord.

 

At 18 when I graduated from High School, I was working, desiring to do good. I still had a determination to make something out of myself, not like my mother and the others. I also desired to be a teacher, to help children, show them love and concern, to help them to see what they wanted out of life. I wanted to give them what I never had. 

 

But at 22, I got pregnant, and everything changed.   I was so happy to be a mother. I was a very responsible mother. [out of wedlock] I wanted to be the best mother for my son, so I was. He didn’t want for anything. Still had the desire to give him the things I didn’t have as a child - love, school, clothes, etc. Wanted son to have a good life, the best, what I didn’t have - to go to college, go to school. I had a dream for him.

 

Then I met the devil in the form of a man that I fell in love with. He invited me into his life for me to have a better life. And enticed me if I would do the things he told me to, then life could get better for my son like I wanted. I went for it. He was propositioning me to make quick money by selling drugs and prostituting. Prostitution was number one. That was the way we could get the things I wanted for my son; the only way I could get that much money so quickly. Why take a regular job at low pay. Little by little I started doing it, and got into it. Started seeing the money coming in. I thought, “This is what I should do.” I saw an increase of money to buy for my son and myself. Then it turned to drugs more and more - out of control. He was on the drugs, cocaine preferably and crack.    Girls started living with me, selling our bodies, no longer just making money for ourselves. I witnessed murder and several times attempted murder on me. In those times, I always called on the Lord and He was always there. I stayed in contact with my son and had a strong relationship with him. I was grateful for the close contact with him. But I stopped showing him real love, but only with money. Thought the money would help him but it was destroying our friendship & relationship. I was into this lifestyle for so many years.   I was in jail in seven different states, for 20 years. A lot I went through for 20 years since I walked away from Christ. Everything turned so quickly when I walked away from him. I had fun, but was so fearful, so bound in it, the disease and sickness of it. I tried to get up out of it so many times. Even called on the Lord to deliver me, but still didn’t get out. I wasn’t really tired yet. My son came to see me in jail and prison.   I’m ashamed he had to come & see me there. But when I got out, I kept going back to that same person because of his remarks and the things he did. The fear he put in me, I didn’t have any outlet. He said he’d do something to my family if I tried to leave him. I got beat almost every day, belts hung around my waist & neck, hit with bats, poked with knives. It was hell. I didn’t know how to get out of it, and so influenced to get rich quick. How will I get rich for my son; but I can do this and make money in a week for him. I was making some serious money, $9,000 a week or more. I would rob, steal, set men up, and they may get killed. No love in it, just a lust for the money. No affection, only to get the money for the things I didn’t get as a child - a house, etc., but I didn’t even get that. No peace, no joy, only paranoid, fear, worried about my son, family and myself. There was no rest; had to do drugs myself so I wouldn’t lose my mind, escape what was in my heart, hated myself. Had made a wrong decision but was in it, and couldn’t get out of it. Wanted to leave the man, run from him. But he always found me; somebody would tell him where they saw me or where I was. 

 

My sister, Sandy, and I kept in contact over the years and my other sister who had my son. Sometimes I would see them on the street & would wave. Sandy would call me and tried to tell me about coming back to Jesus. I knew she was walking with Christ because of her life. Lot of times I told her, “I don’t want to hear about God. What does he have to do with me? He doesn’t want me. Look what I’m doing.” But she never gave up. She never gave up. 

 

One time I called her when I was high on drugs, I’d been up for five days on crack, selling my jewelry. Holy Spirit was working on me then. I started thinking, “What am I doing? What am I doing with my life?” Started feeling nervous & scared, & “I’m not living right,” started crying. “Something’s not right, shouldn’t be living like this,” so scared. Lot of times you hear voices on crack, but I knew this was not crack but the Holy Spirit broke through and told me, “You don’t have to live like this.” I looked around, tripping, “Who said that to me?” Then I started crying & I heard the Lord say, “You don’t have to live like this.” I heard the voice of the Lord say, “Go call your sister.” I felt so sorry, ashamed, felt I had done something against the Lord and others, but at the same time, felt love through it all. It was four in the morning. So many people and so many drug dealers out on the street, but I was crying and didn’t want anyone to see me. I went to call Sandra, but didn’t have money, so I called collect. I didn’t get the right number. Holy Spirit showed me the devil was trying to twist my mind to forget her phone number. Holy Spirit told me, “Take your time and look at the numbers.” I was out of it. But the power of God was transforming me right then. God brought me back to Him, in the telephone booth, not in a church. I was panicking, “I can’t find her number.” “Take your time, look at the numbers & you’ll get through.” Finally she answered the phone. I cried, “Come & get me, come and get me. I’m tired. Come & get me.” She heard true repentance in my voice, and knew I was serious.

 

She came & picked me up. I left the apartment and everything there, but took my money. I did not go back there.  After a week I went to the Christian Inn Ministries to stay for a while. At first I didn’t think I could even live in Cincinnati, because I had done so much wrong here. Jesus said, “Yes you can, with me you can.” By faith He brought me through. He has been miraculously transforming me. You will not be the same, when God delivers & transforms you. God gave me a Scripture at that time. It was

II Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: old things have passed away; behold all things have become new.” That verse kept me and still does today. I believed that scripture every day. I’d ponder & meditate on it. God’s Word is true. I know I’m totally new in Christ.